{"id":60,"date":"2008-04-07T16:14:03","date_gmt":"2008-04-07T20:14:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/washwords.wordpress.com\/?p=66"},"modified":"2008-04-07T16:14:03","modified_gmt":"2008-04-07T20:14:03","slug":"whens-the-quiet-car-coming-to-metro","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/2008\/whens-the-quiet-car-coming-to-metro\/","title":{"rendered":"When&#8217;s the quiet car coming to Metro?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This <a href=\"http:\/\/dcist.com\/2008\/04\/07\/cell_phone_plan.php#post-comment\" target=\"_blank\">post on dcist<\/a> made me remember my long-compiled metro snark list.  So consider this the first 26. there&#8217;s about 26 million more:<\/p>\n<p>my rules for metro conversations (and behavior)<br \/>\n1)don&#8217;t have them.<br \/>\n2) if you must have them, whisper.<br \/>\n3) fine since you&#8217;re going to ignore me anyway, can you at least try to follow the basic rules of human decency (pretend to be human for a minute:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>a) no drunk girls (sorry, snarky misogynist, and yes i&#8217;m female, side coming out)<\/li>\n<li>b.) NO girls pretending to be drunk (way way worse offense than actual drunkeness) because <!--more-->&#8220;like omigod, imsodrunk, i totally didn&#8217;t know what i was doing.&#8221; I detest girls (yes GIRLS, not womyn or women so don&#8217;t rant at me) who have to pretend to be drunk to be remotely sexual. boring.<\/li>\n<li>c) no YELLING.<\/li>\n<li>d) ESPECIALLY no YELLING when the person is standing right next to you.<\/li>\n<li>e) if a call drops or doesn&#8217;t connect more than twice STOP TRYING!<\/li>\n<li>f) no more than two calls or people talked to in any given metro ride.<\/li>\n<li>g) no being mean, obnoxious or &#8220;informative&#8221; to the metro bus driver. I&#8217;m talking to you &#8220;IT&#8217;S CALLED BUNCHING!!! WHEN ALL THE BUSES COME TOGETHER&#8221; chica<\/li>\n<li>h) no name-dropping.<\/li>\n<li>i) especially no name-dropping if you&#8217;re a 12-year-old intern who WORKS ON THE HILL<\/li>\n<li>j) if there are seats on the train or bus and it&#8217;s crowded you HAVE to file in and sit down. no &#8220;i don&#8217;t feel like sitting&#8221;. the rest of us do and we don&#8217;t feel like having you in our face when there&#8217;s plenty of room elsewhere. file in people.<\/li>\n<li>k) no clusterfcking. period. c&#8217;mon really.<\/li>\n<li>l) no stopping in: doorways, bottoms or tops of escalators), narrow passageways meant for walking not standing<\/li>\n<li>m) no looking behind you when walking. WHAT?<\/li>\n<li>n) no standing unnecessarily close to anyone. c&#8217;mon really, i know im a city girl now but is it THAT confusing that people don&#8217;t want you standing all up on them. really?<\/li>\n<li>o) (gotta keep going now) no making out.<\/li>\n<li>p) no standing backwards on the escalator making out with your sweetie, holding hands or otherwise making a mega-nuisance of yourself.<\/li>\n<li>q) P applies double if you&#8217;re 15.<\/li>\n<li>r) P applies quadruple double triple if you&#8217;re 15 AND with your parents.<\/li>\n<li>s) No talking to your friends at the other end of the car<\/li>\n<li>t) no SPRAWWWWWLLLINNGGG out with your papers, bags, food, big ol self<\/li>\n<li>u) no gum chomping<\/li>\n<li>v) no strollers, bikes, large parties at rush hour when you don&#8217;t have to be there<\/li>\n<li>w)no pushing. especially old people and children. (don&#8217;t smirk. i&#8217;ve seen it)<\/li>\n<li>x) no letting your child &#8220;play&#8221; by the edge of the platform, run screaming through the cars, yell.<\/li>\n<li>y) no space-cutting. everyone takes their spot on the platform. stay there. when the train comes along don&#8217;t dart in front of the people patiently waiting their turn. especially if you&#8217;re an Important Businessman, cutting off some nice normals. oh and bonus Z: no running! jesus. wtf? there&#8217;ll be another one!<\/li>\n<li>z) Thank you for choosing WMATA \ud83d\ude42<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>see <a href=\"http:\/\/washwords.wordpress.com\/snarkvlark\" target=\"_blank\">snark vs. lark<\/a> for more of me at my snarkiest.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This post on dcist made me remember my long-compiled metro snark list. So consider this the first 26. there&#8217;s about 26 million more: my rules for metro conversations (and behavior) 1)don&#8217;t have them. 2) if you must have them, whisper. 3) fine since you&#8217;re going to ignore me anyway, can you at least try to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[766],"tags":[127,128,190,191,255,276,343,365,463,464,535,41,617],"class_list":["post-60","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wash","tag-cell","tag-cell-phone","tag-drunk","tag-drunk-girl","tag-girl","tag-gripes","tag-loud","tag-metro","tag-quiet","tag-quiet-car","tag-snark","tag-thats-how-dc-rolls","tag-wmata"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=60"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=60"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=60"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/washwords.com\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=60"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}