washwords

A bright red sign reading: “PLEASE Turn off Lights when Leaving” greeted me bright and early at my Official Government Office Building when I returned from vacation today. I saw it first in the hallway, then another and another, then one in my office itself.

Besides the freakish capitalization and angled placement, besides my oft-repeated wonderings on HOW exactly someone is supposed to KNOW they’re the last one in or out (our office is a square city block and government analyst types, don’t, you know, TALK to each other), something else was creeping up on me, something wasn’t quite right about these abruptly omnipresent signs.

This sense was solidified and given name when I put down my bag to find a FLYER on my chair. It’s name was irony.

“BUILDING recycling program” read the TWO-PAGE (okay they printed double-sided at least, but still) four-color flyer on my chair. It contained a slew of helpful information such as (I kid you not) the six-step process (labeled ominously THE PROCESS, this is it folks, all other processes bow down, this is THE process) for throwing out things. Step 1? “You put your trash in the appropriate trash container in your office, cubicle or other location (e.g., near a printer/copier).” I can’t make this stuff up.

But here’s where it got really interesting. Reading further, the brochure told me that I was to put my trash in a BLACK trash can with a BLACK bag, recyclables in a BLUE bin with a clear bag. Blue bin? Huh. When I left, I was sure it was black. A quick scan of my office revealed that I was right, it WAS black and … it had been removed. A not-so-quick scan of the hall revealed that all black bins were gone and a blue-bin cart was coming to town!

The thing is… what are they going to do with the Black recycle bins???

I read on. Hmm, plastics (like the old black bins) with the exception of milk Bottles and Supermarket plastic bags (man, they loves them some messed-up capitalization at my office) are a “RECYCLE NO!”

Houston, we have a situation.

Furthermore, where’s my blue bin? Updates tomorrow. time to Turn OfF the LigHts.