“Mommy-tracked” or does work/life=life?
The Mommy-track post, or as Maggie Dammit would say, the post in which I lose several readers (in a fiery rage? she didn’t say that part). Anywho, back to my point, which was… am I evil for resenting a “New Parent Community of Practice” recently (heh) spawned at work? Don’t answer yet. Let me explain.
I. Let’s say one works at a federal government agency. Let’s say said anonymous Place of Employment offers flextime, telecommuting, maternity leave, paternity l
eave, on-site (good) day care, part-time schedules, family-friendly sick leave, use of sick leave and annual leave towards extended maternity/paternity leave, etc.
Photo by N. Farnsworth as printed on Flickr.
II. Let’s further say Place of Employment is a place where work is analytical and done in teams in a hierarchical structure. No people = no work; fewer people = less work; fewer people with advanced skills… well, you get the idea.
III. Let’s further say some new parents have seen fit to bring children to work. multiple days. during meetings. work meetings. work meetings when the team is in trouble. work meetings where everyone says “how cute” when we’re asked to “watch him for a minute.” everyone but me.
IV. Let the evidence further reflect that I loooooveeee babies, love kids, especially this one but all of them, really (well not the screaming ones that come with bad parents, but most), think parenting is a wonderful, valiant, worthy in all the very best ways, contribution to life, society, and the world at large.
Similarly, I like moms. Not just my sister, other ones, too. I value the parenting work they do and I value them outside of mommy-world. I have many, many, MANY work colleagues who are parents and do a tremendous job at work, working as hard if not harder than anyone and with top results. (Shockingly, these aren’t really the moms in item 6).
V. Be it known that at our Place of Employment are folks of all kinds dealing with work / life challenges, including but not limited to parenting, single parenting, caring for aging parents, caring for disabled children, fertility problems, severe and/or terminal illness, divorce, bad breakups, limited finances, addictions, depression, disabilities, etc. Some do so “better,” some “worse” but all are doing it on some level with their own challenges.
VI. Let it be further known, that our workplace has a union, an active hard-fought union, to further advocate on behalf of any individual or group who is aggrieved or feels a term or condition of work has been changed, is unjust etc.
VII. Given then points I -VI, am I completely, completely evil, to resent the new “New Parent” Community of Practice,” (CoP)set up to “help new parents and managers navigate work/life balance”?
What’s a CoP? Well typically they at my workplace, they are reserved for a set of people working on a specific work issue to develop best practices, “providing a forum for practitioners of a discipline to interact and share knowledge and experiences pertinent to their tasks at hand and to solve business problems.” Business. Problems. Do we have a COP for every substantive team at my workplace? Nope? Every career path, including some often devalued, like say, writing? Not till recently; some, still not at all. My point being that in my workworld a community of practice isn’t a club or social group – it’s a big deal -designed to facilititate managers and non-managers talking about a problem.
Behind the scenes I was told that the “problem” that new parents wish to see addressed in this new CoP is the “mommy tracking”: the fact that they are “kept from promotions because of their parental status.”
Le sigh. Am I the only one who thinks “Really? Are ya kiddin me?
Because ladies (and gents), umm, have you seen the private world? I know I am not a mommy, and thus subject to all manner of attack for my clear lack of understanding the perils of mommyworld, but really, reaLLY!?
Being a mommy is hard, no doubt, it might be the hardest job; it might mean you DECIDE to work less (part time, telecommute, longer leave) but it IS a choice, right? To be a super-power career mom, you give up some time at home, a choice that is a very hard one, one I probably wouldn’t make, but a CHOICE. Likewise, if you DECIDE to spend more time at home and less at work, while that too might be a hard choice, it is one… one that comes with the consequences of less chance for promotion and certain “choice” work assignments because ummm… you’re not here.
Likewise, some of your single gal colleagues, just so you know, would be happy to have a few less “choice” assignments; a few less times where its assumed they can come in, handle whatever is going on, because they’re not mommies what else could they be doing?
Am I oversimplifying? Probably. But I guess I just am finding it hard to swallow that mommies are the only ones struggling to balance their work and their lives, make that New Parents, as this group did. I can’t actually think of a bigger oversimplification.
Let the flames commence
gilahi said,
Wrote on July 13, 2008 @ 11:04 am
Aargh. You just have no idea how much this
ticks me off. Or maybe you do. I just don’t
even want to get started.
washwords said,
Wrote on July 13, 2008 @ 11:17 am
I do. I do wanna know gilahi. Whether you’re ticked at me or what I’m ticked at. I wanna know. Bring it on! š
Alina said,
Wrote on July 13, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
I’d resent it too. I don’t think you’re crazy. I feel mostly the same way.
Not advancing as fast as others b/c you’re not putting in as much time/work product isn’t “Mommy tracking.” It’s fairness.
soupisnotafingerfood said,
Wrote on July 13, 2008 @ 4:49 pm
Wow, Wash… first of all, if lots of folks are bringing kids in to work and it becomes a disruption? That’s an issue that your management and/or HR should deal with. That ain’t cool.
I would also say, let the “new parents” (and how about us “old parents” too – I’ve been at it for 12+ years and wouldn’t mind having access to a support network like you described) have their group… but I’d like to believe your management / workplace would be open to other affinity groups assembling in a similar fashion. You’re absolutely right, everyone is dealing with work and with life and we all strive to strike whatever balance we feel is best for us personally. That’s not an issue that’s unique to parents. And that’s why benefits like flex time and FMLA and other leaves of absence make sense not just for working parents, but for employees at all stages of their careers & lives.
Spoken like an HR manager, eh??
soupisnotafingerfood said,
Wrote on July 13, 2008 @ 4:50 pm
BTW, Maggie, Dammit protected her blog – no more linkage!!! (boo hoo!)
Foolery said,
Wrote on July 13, 2008 @ 8:01 pm
I think you nailed it right on the head: most things in this world can be traced back to a single CHOICE. With ALL choices come consequences. Time for all of us who have ever made CHOICES to put on the big girl panties and let it ride. Commiserating with one’s spouse over the negative consequences of one’s choices, whether known or unforeseen, real or imaginary, is okay. Expecting one’s employer, government, and, yes, coworkers to continually make concessions to your CHOICE seems a bit spoiled.
Full disclosure: I am a wife and mother and full-time employee in a small business.
Great topic, Miss Washwords! I’d be annoyed, too!
Also? AARRRR! Welcome aboard the BlogHus Blog Roll, Where Nothing Noteworthy Has Happened Since 1965!
What Liz Said said,
Wrote on July 15, 2008 @ 11:19 am
I don’t blame you at all. Not at all. I had this at another place I worked at long ago, and I was written off as a young upstart malcontent who had no idea what it’s like to be a parent. I hate when they act like just because you don’t have children that your opinion is invalidated.
Nancy said,
Wrote on July 17, 2008 @ 12:25 pm
There’s a lot of stuff in here. Sounds like your workplace is fully committed to letting parents be as flexible as possible, so it is a little baffling to me that as the icing on the cake they’d set up a Community of Practice to support just one of many work life balance issues. As you said, there are SO many more work-life balance issues that people face — many that people can’t possibly plan or predict (sudden loss of a parent or spouse, severe illness, etc.) and which might somehow impact work or upward mobility. It is interesting that if there is indeed a “glass ceiling” issue with moms’ advancement that they’re going to stick it under the HUGE umbrella of a Community of Practice for new parents. Kind of a way to stick a big screen around the elephant cowering in the corner, isn’t it?
I’ve been on both sides of this issue myself — the young, single (or newly married with no kids) employee who was stuck working 2 weeks’ straight at a library reference desk because all the librarians with more tenure and leave than I had were enjoying the holidays at home with their families. And I’ve also been the new mom who was back at work 8 weeks after the first baby, worked like crazy up until 2 days the 2nd baby was born, was basically on call during my maternity leave to answer questions forom coworkers, and then upon returning to the office after the second mat leave was told by my boss that she was removing me “from the critical path” of my primary project. Not due to any under-performance, but anticipation of what she thought might be a difficult transition from 1 kid to 2. I applied for a new job the next week and left within the month.
But I agree with you. Parenting is a choice, and while it’s helpful to have resources to rely on/share stories and tips with, I’m not sure it’s the role of the workplace to create a formal support group for that purpose. Informal, yes, but not something so formal and obviously reserved for high impact issues in your organization. Plus it sounds like there’s a whole other agenda in the creation of the CoP. It would be more ballsy for HR or senior management to tackle that issue directly (as well as the issue of any parents not pulling their weight on teams) rather than couch it in some “support group.”
Whew. Sorry to hijack your comments!
washwords said,
Wrote on July 19, 2008 @ 7:57 am
wow. thanks everyone. Funny how I was presuming I’d get slammed or hated for my thoughts and if anything I’m hearing maybe I didn’t come down hard enough on this issues. It’s a bit tricky because there are so many particular individual mitigating factors to this story, and it’s hard for me to tease out what is my annoyance at these particular people….
only one actually brought the baby to work, multiple times, in the middle of a project where we were “getting in trouble”. Another came to the job already pregnant (fine, certainly don’t begrudge her that) but… with a slew of leave from previous gov. position, came in, took one of the day care downstairs slots, was out for close to a year (maybe I exaggerate a little but not much), now telecommutes and flex-works and is part time and “feels she’s been mommy-tracked” really?
I also can’t help but feeling for the folks who don’t have babies, who might want babies, or who DID the new parent / working thing, successfully or not, but without getting any special treatment. Because yes, the NEW parent wording was intentional and not mine. To this group, you don’t count if you’re an “old” parent. who decides? dunno.
Meggie, I’d be fine with a club or — gasp — what about making friends with people with like interests, but this is a managing-director-level-supported work group. Seriously I JUST got such a community of practice for a group of my peers (fellow writer editors) after much fighting for it. Writer editors are paid differently, have lower pay ceilings than other analysts (formally, officially) and have periodically been threatened with other substantive changes to work terms and conditions. There are 70 of us. Near as I can tell the new parent group was started by two women who “feel mistreated.”
I first heard about this from a new mom friend who was lamenting to me about how hard it is out there for the mommies. I inquired “really? Seems so family friendly.” Oh nooo, I was told, I don’t hear from the other mothers like she does, “they’re mommy tracked. Isn’t that horrible?” Well something’s horrible but it’s not the quality of work life, I thought as steam came out of my ears and I let my MUCH, MUCH nicer fellow non-parent friend empathize with the mommy tracking woes. argh. now i’m hijacking my own comments. Thanks for letting me vent.