washwords

In “Jealousy Isn’t Always An Ugly Emotion | BlogHer” BlogHer contributing editor Rita Arens writes about some of the jealousy she sees cropping up in the blogosphere, in particular among her fellow “mommy bloggers” or at least female bloggers.

In particular, I was struck by people’s jealousy of “famous bloggers.” Arens describes (incredibly well and demonstrating an incredibly healthy psyche) her reaction to an email that asked how she and other big-time BlogHers could go on writing “as if they were normal people” when so clearly they weren’t – there were celebrities! The emailer writes

if someone’s blog became popular or famous because they were writing about their “normal” or “mundane” life, how do they continue to make money off of their blog when their life is certainly nothing like it was when the blog first became famous?

Regarding this email, Arens comments (again, verrry verry healthy woman here, not a trace o snarkery):

I sort of understood that the blogger was just putting out there into the public sphere what so many of us feel when we’re new to something. Oh, look — there are already people entrenched in this space that I love so much. Can I ever be where they are?

The problem is that we don’t even know where they are, how much traffic they have, if they earn money. We just don’t really know. And this blogger wanted to know. And she maybe even realized why.

Ah jealousy. What struck me, like Arens goes on to discuss, is that celebrity is truly in the eye of the beholder. I can see why someone new to world of writing, and new to blogging (as I myself am) would think everyone in their world who is successful is HUGE. But the thing is…

they’re not, they ARE just “normal people with still normal lives.”

I thought of my “fairness” post on body image of yesterday and realize a lot of what I’m blogging about and commenting about elsewhere comes back to this and comes back to what’s Fair, capital F. I’m all about justice and who DESERVES what and whether someone has EARNED it. If they have (according to my rules and regulations) great; if they haven’t, they’re forever scorned (and I’m a Scorpio, watch out!)

But lately, I’m finally finaaaaaaalllly realizing, that’s not the only way to measure. Yes, maybe good things sometimes do happen to (if not bad) “undeserving” people, but the more life I live the more I believe in karma and fate – things do happen for a reason… so she got X (new car, blogging fame, 10,000 bloggy hits, a great hubby) and you didn’t – it hurts, oh it hurts but… at the very same second, someone else is eyeing what YOU’RE getting and wanting it / wishing it for themselves.

I’m not trying to be over pollyanna – I say it because it’s true. I am dating (and will soon be marrying ) a great guy who first met me at a party when I was recently divorced, bitter of all the happy couples with babies there, and floundering in my career. He liked me then, at literally my snarkiest worst. I had NO idea anyone saw me. He remembered me years later, seeking me out at a party no longer in one of those happy couples I saw.

As a former (still?) journalist, blogging for blogging sake vs. blogging for money/publication sake is something I’m thinking a lot about. One of the things I LOVE about blogging, probably the thing I love the BEST is the community, the way I’m on a daily (hourly?) basis discovering all these amazingly talented writers and thinkers and feelers out there in the blogosphere who aren’t “professionals” but are among the best talent I’ve seen (and I’m lucky enough to have worked with some renowned publications.) It’s inspiring, truly. So if you think “yah, but no one’s jealous of little old me” you’re wrong, I am. Or rather, I’m astounded, impressed, and awed by you. Truly.