Tag Archive for home

Winter comes to washington.

The car breaking down, the writing I have (and want) to do, feeling less blah and more superstar at work, not reacting to perceived injustices with emotion and drama? I’m working on these.

But shovelling? That I can do.

[Mr. Moon, DonCsabito on flickr]

It takes me home, to my youth, to my first quasi-grown-up experience: college with my green snap-together plastic shovel in my Nissan Maxima station wagon trunk, digging MYSELF out, getting my own snow tires (or not), falling for the “winterizing package” at Jiffy Lube.

But shovelling? Shovelling is home. When it’s powdery bluewhite crystal, and swishes off the plastic and crinkles under your toes? A chill in your nose, but the light from the house warming your path, showing you are not far from your long winter’s nap.

Winter walking? the whoosh whoosh crunch of the still blue night and my boots and mittens swishing and stretching. That is home and it is a good one.

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Avinu Malkeinu: the words that music speaks

Today is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement for my faith, the closing of the 10 day period of the new year, of reflection for the year behind, of looking to the year ahead.

Truth be told, I love this time of year. I love the rituals of cleansing, purifying,  the haunting melodies,  the looking ahead and celebrating first so that filled up with love and hope and promise, you can more properly atone for sins, and reform into someone better, stronger, more authentic.

I especially love the poetry, the music of our services. I sing “Avinu Malkeinu” to myself throughout the year (no doubt especially annoying friends and neighbors this time of year) and unlike my favorite songs in English where it’s the lyrics I most connect to, focus on; in prayer, it’s the melody – the haunting beautiful notes that express better where my heart is dwelling then the actual words sometimes can.  “Our Father, Our King” the literal translation of that prayer’s title, isn’t what the song speaks to me.

Rather, it says loudly, softly, heartfully, tearfully, pleadingly, “I’m sorry.”

It says: I’ll do better. I’m working on it. I do have love in my heart of hearts, I do appreciate the riches I have.

It says: I am joyful, exhuberant, warmed by this community, even when they are strangers. I am home here with this familiar melody I seem to have always known, by the ability to sing fully, forcefully, till I’m dizzy and hoarse.

It says: Thank you. Thank you, God, if that’s what you believe in. Thank you friends and loved ones. Thank you strangers for forgiving me the sins and offenses I don’t even know I’m committing. Thank you love for finding me, thank you world for recognizing the talents and strengths I have.

And it says this: There’s going to be hurt, there’s going to be mistakes and pains and some of them are going to be your fault. And

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Like apples and honey: a break for sweet

After a day that went like this:

me: — $700 billion bailout bill fails in House. Dow down by nearly 600 points
Pal: it failed!!!
so what is the next thing??

me: yeppers

Pal: holy *&^*&^*&^&
well i still don’ tunderstand it
i thought it was a bad thing
i don’t quite understand it!!

me: nor i

Pal: I mean, $700 billion?
Pal: they cold give a billion dollars to everyone in the country
andstill come out ahead

me: but selfishly, more bad news
me: this means we may have trouble refinancing

Pal: ohnoes
me: and getting me and [sweetie] in together, living in one place
me: awwwwhoooo

me: right!? awwwwhooo

me: agjkagljkfgljkfg

I wound up with a day that ended like this: sweet, like apples and honey. Here is I wrote the very same pals regarding my evening:

a rare happy sweet moment in honor of rosh hashanah. I brought [my love] tonight and after a string of bringing boys who hate hate hate it or at least sit and sulk or pout and fold arms, (including yes, several Jewish exes) I am a little nervous, starting to “prep” him.

he tells me he’ll be fine and he is. he likes it. he pays attn. he says i have a beautiful singing voice (with bronchitis) he asks me questions. he thanks me for bringing him. and says he feels at home.

also, he says he is glad i brought up agljagljkdfgjkdjlkdgljkdfgjlkfdgdf housing frustrations and that we WILL do what it takes to make this work and that we WILL be together.

I believe him.

We have dinner and ride the Metro home. he has to go to Va., me DC tongiht, but we have this sweet train ride home laughing and talking and i feel a zillion times better than i did just a few hours ago – PEACEFUl, like your [engagement] toast said, [“Pal”] and he says “shana tova” as I’m standing up to get off the train – my stop is first- and kisses me when i get off the train. awww.

yes, i’ll be angry and bossy again sometime, we’ll both make mistakes and be not forgiving enough, but tonight, things are sweet and I thought i could share because I know you’ll know it’s not gloaty, it’s just… a moment of love. awww. wishing you both all the same peace. less agjlaljagljkadgjklagljk and more peace. zen.love.

I wish you, all six readers as Soupy Meg likes to say, the same. L’shana tova. Here’s to the sweetest of sweet new years. No matter what’s happening in the outside world.

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