Latest Posts »
Latest Comments »
Popular Posts »

Freedom From Face(book)

Written by washwords on February 16, 2010 – 11:11 pm

Given the ennui I’d been feeling, the cabin fever (I mean a week in the cabin, great,  but that 9th or 10th day starts hurting….), I could see it starting.  I was on a superslick luge track to gold medal snarkery.

Sure, I was proud. I mean this is what I trained for, right? My years apprenticing at the snarktory, my nights by the fire practicing my craft. Don’t get me wrong. I was up for it. I know my abilities to sear veins with vitriol, microsurgery to the heart of the heart. (Oh, did I mention? Scorpio! In my soul.)

And plus, I was Right. About every. single. thing. Every Facebook argument anyone implied (by breathing, coughing, not breathing, not coughing) they wanted to have.  And I was ready to battle.  Think  Lost is the world’s best TV show;  blue your favorite color, Beyonce, the world’s best singer??  Uh, no. Incorrect. FAIL. You suck. Lemme tell you why. In 27 points.

Think you know the most about snowflakes, government shut downs, politics, movies. You don’t.

I do. And I can’t bear to let you think so for a minute. Why? Because you’re wrong. WRONG!!!

But the thing was all this rightness wasn’t making me less blue, nor less tired, nor more proud. It was just making me mean. and tired. and empty.

I sat watching the scrolling letters of facebook / twitter/ blog feeds / email/ texts… I felt my teeth clench, knuckles tighten into a ball, eyes strain and bluegray washing over all the very rightness and joy and success I thought I’d been wanting to celebrate.

And suddenly, rising over the foggy, snarky, venomous place,I had a new thought: What if … it stopped? All of it, the feeds the one-upping , the posturing, the posing, the reading to react, the waiting to pounce?

What if…

What if  *I* stopped?

It’s not like this is an earth-shattering epiphany, I know. Any therapist or mom (hi mom!) or Michael Jackson ditty will tell you “If you wanna make the world a betta place/ take a look at yourself and make that / CHANGE.”

And I am, most of the time. I’m working on it anyway. I snarl at metro riders much less, now. Instead of heaving huge sighs of disgust, now I politely ask “excuse me miss, I hate to bother you, but I wonder, would you mind just moving your loverly bag ever so slightly so its jagged edge doesn’t come quite so close to my head? I mean if you don’t mind. I hate to even ask. You COULD? REALLY?! Why, thanks ever so! ”  Most of the time.

Except when I can’t. or don’t. Which is usually when I need to the most.

So like that dreaded trip to the gym you know you need, I imposed a ban.  No facebook, no twitter (eh, i’m over that anyway, no loss), no texting, just writing (blogging was okay), working, focusing on the things I can change or work on or invest in, not the ones that don’t matter.

I made it 12 hours. That’s a lot!

I’d love to tell you that with my freedom  I finished my novel, the thank-you notes, the house decorating and then did oragami and yoga with my free time after that. Not quite.

But I blogged a short piece for the first time in months, I took a long walk (over snow mountains), I made a big dinner, I got a massage,  I read A BOOK.

And something else happened. I wasn’t angry. Or tired, or sad.

Yah, today, first day back at work and back to gym and back to metro, I’m tired again. But I’m here.

And no, I don’t think this is Facebook’s fault. It was mine. Nor will I be staying away forever. But I did do some pruning, mostly of time I just didn’t need to be investing. And I did some not caring. And it was good. Really good.

“Little pebbles on the ground,” a good friend and I used to tell each other. That’s what toxic people and thoughts were. Specks of dust on specks of dust. Sometimes being right is one of those specks I realize slowly. But I’m getting it. Slowly, slowly… steadily, steadily…

So I’m gonna try to care a little less for a while. Not about the people I love, not about joy, beauty, strength, talent, hard real work of improvement. Just about the rightness.

Oh, except that snow means no global warming crap. You people are wrong about that … wrong, wrong… eh, whatever.  😉 Ohmmmm.

Add to RSS Feed Add to Technorati Favorites Stumble It! Digg It!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in words | 10 Comments »

10 Comments to “Freedom From Face(book)”

  1. Meg Says:

    I hear ya… though I think you’re probably being too hard on yourself. :-)
    .-= Meg´s last blog ..On cake and misnamed holidays =-.

  2. fansbook Says:

    still keep a smile

  3. L A Cochran Says:

    ‘Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” – she always called me Elwood – “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.’ –Elwood P. Dowd, Harvey

    I hope you’re writing in some form somewhere.

  4. brazilian virgin hair extension Says:

    A lot of times it’s hard to get that

  5. yoga maniac Says:

    Hi there, simply turned into alert to your blog via Google, and found that it is really informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I’ll be grateful if you happen to continue this in future. Numerous other folks shall be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
    .-= yoga maniac´s last 1 ..1 =-.

  6. brazilian human hair extensions Says:

    Youve got some mad skill here, man

  7. Televizyon Kabin Says:

    It’s the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve learn this put up and if I may just I desire to suggest you some fascinating things or advice. Perhaps you can write next articles regarding this article. I desire to read more things about it!
    .-= Televizyon Kabin´s last 1 ..1 =-.

  8. see it here Says:

    I am also writing to make you understand of the awesome experience my wife’s princess obtained reading through your blog. She discovered a wide variety of pieces, which include what it is like to possess an excellent teaching spirit to let many more smoothly completely grasp certain tortuous topics. You actually surpassed our expected results. I appreciate you for churning out these essential, trustworthy, educational and even fun guidance on this topic to Ethel.

  9. Raylene Jonhson Says:

    Interesting blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your design. Appreciate it

  10. sexy chat roulette sites Says:

    You are so stuffed of shit it is actually oozing outside of my computer display.


Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge